TGP Chapter 45: Response

“Your Highness can just move forward with it.”

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Li Rong heard Pei Wenxuan’s words and quietly stared at him.

She was a little confused for a moment. She understood what Pei Wenxuan had said, but there were also some things she did not understand.

Pei Wenxuan liked her, and she had known about it for a long time.

But then Pei Wenxuan said that he didn’t like Qin Zhenzhen, which was a little beyond her expectations.

What surprised her even more was that Pei Wenxuan said these words in such a clear and direct manner that a vague sense of panic took form in the depths of her heart.

She stared at Pei Wenxuan. Pei Wenxuan raised his head and looked at her as well. There was hope in his eyes, yearning, and something else in itself that even he himself was unaware of—that fiery light softly flickering in his eyes.

He was like a departed soul that had come to find closure for the regrets in his lifetime, waiting for that one person to extend their hand and set him free of his regrets.

But unfortunately, the person standing in front of him was also wandering in hell themselves. 

Li Rong looked into those eyes of his and watched as the hopeful and expectant look in those eyes slowly extinguished bit by bit. It was like a fire that had been lit ablaze, now extinguished as if someone had thrown a basin of cold water over it.

Li Rong tried to get all of her emotions under control as she shifted her gaze downwards and said in a low voice: “What you said just now, I will give it careful consideration. Get back onto the carriage and let us head back first.”

Having said that, she lifted the curtain, sat back down in the carriage and indifferently said: “Everyone, we will be heading back.”

Pei Wenxuan did not answer as he stood beside the carriage. Li Rong set the curtain down, closed her eyes and began to rest for a bit.

The attendants all rushed to come back. The coachman took a look at Pei Wenxuan, who was still standing in place beside the carriage and tentatively asked: “Prince Consort, are you still getting into the carriage?”

Pei Wenxuan lowered his head. He felt a sudden wave of exhaustion washing over him. He suddenly didn’t want to see Li Rong anymore, didn’t want to say another word to her again, or have any other interaction with her.

Li Rong was like a block of ice that could not be melted with warmth, an impenetrable stone that not even the slightest drop of water could seep through. No matter how hard he tried, that person would never respond.

Although he didn’t know how he wanted her to respond to it, he still felt that even if she had even the slightest reaction and scolded him or persuaded him otherwise, loved him back or hated him, he could accept it because it would still be much better than this silence at the moment like that of a stranger’s silence.

He was still standing in the same place. Li Rong noticed that he had not come up into the carriage for a while and finally opened her eyes and calmly asked: “Are you not coming?”

“No need.”

Pei Wenxuan turned around and wearily said: “You can head back first. I will be going to the official bureau.”

“Then…” Li Rong slowly opened her mouth and said: “Be careful on the road.”

Pei Wenxuan replied with a low hum of acknowledgement as if nothing had happened between the two of them. Pei Wenxuan told the other attendants nearby to wait, and before he left, he gently said: “Li Rong, if faced with any unexpected situation, you always keep your emotions buried in your heart and want to use reason to solve everything, but you will one day find that not everything can be resolved purely on the basis of reason.”

“Behind power and influence has always been a person’s heart.” Pei Wenxuan looked up at the long road ahead and indifferently said, “If you cannot come to understand people’s hearts, then everything you want will amount to nothing in the end.”

With that said, Pei Wenxuan turned around and left with a lantern in hand.

The two of them took off in different directions. The moonlight above shone onto the long Huajing road. Pei Wenxuan went in the direction of the official bureau while Li Rong sat in the carriage heading back to the Princess’s mansion.

She closed her eyes shut and told herself not to think too much of it.

Pei Wenxuan had always been that way. He could say whatever he wanted to say in a fit of anger, words spoken without much consideration, so there was no need for her to think too much of it.

However, for some reason, Pei Wenxuan’s words echoed in her mind over and over again.

Behind power and influence has always been a person’s heart.

She recalled how Su Rongqing knelt before her and wished for her and Pei Wenxuan to live well—recalled the sight of Li Chuan standing up from behind the gauze screen, getting ready to leave—recalled happily talking and laughing with Shangguan Ya beside her in the previous life but had never seen her eyes shining brightly—recalled how the Empress laid on her sickbed in the previous life, wanting to say something to her but hesitated at the moment and only looked at her—recalled how Li Ming died on his sicked, as well as the image of the twenty year old Pei Wenxuan, looking as if he wanted to say something but decided against it, reluctantly gave up and dared not open his mouth to say a word.

Those images flashed through her mind one by one. She tightly squeezed the golden fan in her hand.

She felt that she and Pei Wenxuan were gradually growing further apart, and she knew very well that as long as she could make it through and bear with it for now—as long as she moved forward with it and sat in the carriage, never turning back the entire way, and once the doors to the Princess’s mansion open, she would still be the same Princess Ping Le as before.

She could take a bath, light a bit of incense, and sleep peacefully. When Pei Wenxuan comes back the next day, he will have calmed down and likely not say anything more on the matter, and that will be the end of things.

She understood his temperament. This was not a significant matter. After quarreling and letting him get over his temper, he will carry on doing things as he should, and there would be no need to do anything else about it.

But there was still a vague feeling of uncontrollable unease surging in her heart. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

At that moment, she suddenly recalled the last time she saw Pei Wenxuan in her previous life.

He had his back turned to her, dressed in black robes and a magnificent coronet with a thin yet proud and aloof silhouette. He walked away with his back to her, crossed the threshold and walked off into the distance beyond her reach.

That person was completely different from the Pei Wenxuan she had met in this life.

Pei Wenxuan had been reborn as if he had shed his mortal body and exchanged his bones, but she was still clinging to the past from her previous life.

The moment she realized this, Li Rong finally couldn’t hold back anymore and shouted: “Stop the carriage!”

The coachman brought the carriage to a stop, at a loss for words. Li Rong sat in the carriage and brought her hand up to hold her forehead, pained. After a while, she slowly stabilized her state of mind, and she finally stood up, lifted the curtain and went out to the front of the carriage.

The sudden cold and blistering wind cleared her mind up a bit. She stood atop the front of the carriage and turned to look at Pei Wenxuan off in the distance.

He was walking down the long road, wearing a white outer robe over his blue ones with a jade coronet on his head. Li Rong’s gaze silently followed his movements, and after a few moments, she jumped down from the carriage.

The attendant beside her was slightly astonished and quickly called out after her: “Your Highness, you…”

Li Rong paid no attention to them as she hurriedly ran in Pei Wenxuan’s direction, shouting as she ran: “Pei Wenxuan!”

Pei Wenxuan turned back in surprise. The wind swept past his long sleeves, making them flutter as the palace lantern swayed with the evening wind. Then he saw Li Rong stop a distance away. She was looking at him and spoke in a bit of an unsteady voice that he had seldom seen: “I wanted to apologize to you about what happened earlier.”

“I should have asked for your opinion first regarding the matter between you and Qin Zhenzhen, not decide on it myself. But I truly meant no harm.”

“Back then, when I asked you what your relationship with her was, you told me that you couldn’t let go of her. So I thought that you might like me, but you also have her in your heart. I didn’t want that kind of relationship, so I chose to walk away, so that you can fully set your heart on just one person.”

“She’s not suitable for entering the palace. If you can protect her in this lifetime, she can have a peaceful life, and you will not have such regrets again. So in my heart, if you both can be together,” Li Rong’s breaths gradually became steady again, “Then there couldn’t be anything better than that.”

Pei Wenxuan quietly looked at her as he listened.

Li Rong saw how calm Pei Wenxuan was and couldn’t help but smile bitterly: “Pei Wenxuan, power is not all I hold dear in my heart. If other people are good to me, I will want to be good to them too.”

“I wasn’t just using you to resolve Chuan’er’s affairs, I also thought about you.”

Pei Wenxuan remained silent. He stared at her for quite some time before he slowly smiled: “Then don’t you feel disgusted?”

Li Rong was a bit confused. Pei Wenxuan raised the lantern in his hand and walked towards her. He looked at her in all seriousness: “If on one hand, I loved you, and on the other hand, I also loved Qin Zhenzhen, wouldn’t you feel disgusted by someone like me?”

Li Rong paused and said nothing, but Pei Wenxuan calmly said: “Li Rong, do you know why I’m angry?”

“What angers me the most is that you never tell me the truth.”

Li Rong quietly looked at him. Pei Wenxuan lowered his head and looked straight into those eyes that were illuminated by the moonlight. He softly chuckled: “You are too rational, and that is why you conceal all your emotions, leaving me feeling pathetic because it seems like I’m the only one who cares about this, and I’m the only one who is being so ridiculously naive about this matter.”

“My apologies.”

Li Rong lowered her gaze: “It’s a habit of mine.”

“Then can you tell me…” Pei Wenxuan looked at her and said in a gentle voice: “Did you understand my words from earlier?”

“I understood.”

“Are you happy?”

Li Rong did not answer. She only looked at Pei Wenxuan, and after some time, she gritted her teeth and squeezed out: “I’m happy.”

Pei Wenxuan suddenly burst out laughing.

“Then that is enough.”

Pei Wenxuan took up the lantern and started walking in the direction of the carriage as he spoke: “I will light the way for you, Your Highness. Let’s return.”

Li Rong saw that Pei Wenxuan was going back just like that, and she was stunned for a moment, but soon after, she reacted and caught up with Pei Wenxuan’s strides and hastily said: “I don’t know how to give you an answer in response.”

“In response?” Pei Wenxuan turned and raised his eyebrows, “You want to give me an answer for what?”

“What you said to me earlier…”

“I just wanted to tell you and nothing more.” Pei Wenxuan walked slightly further ahead to help light the way for her and calmly said, “I don’t need you to give me an answer.”

Li Rong blankly looked at him, and Pei Wenxuan laughed: “Your Highness, it’s all in the past now.”

“There are some words that come too late, there’s no need to respond to them. Your Highness does need to think too much of it.”

“So…since it has been so long,” Li Rong pondered aloud as she looked at him, “Why did you still want to tell me this?”

“I initially didn’t know why either,” Pei Wenxuan replied, extending a hand to help Li Rong onto the carriage as he raised the curtain and got into the carriage with her and sat down.

He blew out the light in the lantern and sat down across from Li Rong, smiling as he said: “But now I know.”

“Oh?”

“This was a knot in the heart of Wenxuan of the previous life. After all, how could it be Your Highness’s?”

Pei Wenxuan reached forward to pour tea as he spoke, softly saying: “Your Highness has always followed certain principles by heart, and based on that, Your Highness is tolerant and understanding towards all with a clear distinction between gratitude and grievances and grasping fairness and honesty. But Your Highness is not just Her Highness the Princess but also Li Rong.”

“A person, if he is human, must have emotions. In fact, back then, Your Highness blamed me and resented me, but you must have secretly cared about what kind of person I ultimately was and how much I liked you, right?”

“And as for Qin Zhenzhen, while Your Highness clearly understood that on the basis of reason, she was never at fault, and while you didn’t take it to heart at all, you still never liked her, isn’t that right?”

“It’s not shameful to have such emotions.” Pei Wenxuan gently said as he pushed a cup of tea over in front of Li Rong: “This matter should have been resolved back then. Had Your Highness expressed all these emotions back then, perhaps at that time, I could have given Your Highness a better answer as well.”

“But you were too calm and too rational. And at the time, I was still too young and too ignorant.”

“So we could only let the misunderstandings grow, then bury them away after realizing the fact. At first glance, it seemed like it was no longer of any importance, but these wounds have been silently festering in the dark all this time. Your Highness,” Pei Wenxuan calmly observed her as he asked, “Doesn’t it hurt you too?”

Li Rong didn’t say anything. She felt that what Pei Wenxuan said was not quite right, but she seemed to be vaguely aware that what he said was not wrong either.

Pei Wenxuan fell silent for a while. He knew in his heart that it was difficult for Li Rong to accept these words, so after some time, he began to say: “That is why I told Your Highness everything, not because I wanted some sort of response. Your Highness can make the knot in your heart come undone, then it will be easier for Your Highness and I to continue our cooperation.”

“Otherwise, if you always have to be on guard, thinking that I’m the kind of man who has two different women at heart,” Pei Wenxuan looked up and chuckled, “Even among friends, wouldn’t it still not sit right? At the age of twenty, you can say that you haven’t thought things through and see yourself as a directionless youth, but if you still don’t know anything at the age of fifty, if not extreme foolishness, then it must be that there is something broken within their hearts.”

“I have never thought about it that deeply.” Li Rong said in a mild tone of voice.

“I know, Your Highness does not pay much attention to these things. After all, Your Highness has too many other things to think about,” Pei Wenxuan heard Li Rong’s denial and immediately changed the tone of his words and had a serious expression, “But if addressing them can make Your Highness a little happier, then isn’t it worthwhile?”

Li Rong did not answer him. Pei Wenxuan watched her expressions for a moment, and seeing that she wasn’t saying anything, he turned away with a smile on his face, bowed his head and sipped his tea.

Li Rong hesitated for a while before she finally reluctantly said: “Pei Wenxuan, getting along with someone like you is truly exhausting.”

Whatever it was, it had to be seen through to the end, and there was no room for people to pause and take a breath.

Pei Wenxuan took a sip of tea, then he gently set the cup down on the table. He looked up with a pair of warm and gentle eyes and turned to face Li Rong, who was sitting across from him: “But I feel that getting along with Your Highness gives one great pleasure.”

To say the least, the moment he heard a girl shouting “Pei Wenxuan” from behind as well as the moment when he turned around and saw that she had caught up with him, he felt that this in itself was a rare joy in life.

It was at that moment that he suddenly understood that he never wanted to receive a certain response from Li Rong. He didn’t need her to say anything, and he didn’t expect her to give him anything—he just needed to know.

So it turned out that Li Rong was also standing on this stage amidst the beating of gongs and drums. He wasn’t the only one standing there, and for him, that was enough.

Li Rong heard what Pei Wenxuan said but was not angry. She looked into the calm eyes of the person sitting across from her, vaguely sensing the spark of uncontrollable joy emanating from him. She came to realize why he had caused such a ruckus this evening and was likely feeling much better now.

Li Rong didn’t say much more on it. She just nodded in response and sat off to the side and closed her eyes to rest as if she was a bit tired.

Pei Wenxuan turned and glanced at Li Rong. Seeing that she was going to rest, he pulled out a blanket from a drawer beside her and covered her with it as he offhandedly said: “I will find an opportunity to give Miss Qin an explanation regarding what happened this evening, so that she does not misunderstand. In the future, I won’t matchmake you with Su Rongqing, so don’t matchmake me either.”

Li Rong expressed her agreement.

“I apologize to you for what happened before. I shouldn’t always think about pushing you and Su Rongqing to be together.”

“It’s fine.” Li Rong slowly opened her eyes, “Sometimes I feel that what you have said is not wrong either, so I don’t blame you. It’s just that on the emotional front, I don’t want to trouble others until it has been made clear.”

“Until what has been made clear?”

Pei Wenxuan was a bit curious. Li Rong smiled and said: “You’re always thinking of ways to make Su Rongqing like me, but I haven’t fully determined if I like him or not. This is something that should at least be confirmed beforehand, shouldn’t it?”

Pei Wenxuan properly covered her with the blanket and sat down beside her, nodding as he said: “You’re right, this was my fault. Then, from now on, let’s change the nature of our relationship.”

Li Rong looked up at him, and Pei Wenxuan softly smiled: “I will listen to you regarding your affairs, and you will listen to me regarding my affairs.”

“Alright.”

Li Rong replied. Seeing that she agreed to it, Pei Wenxuan stood up and went back to his seat. Li Rong pulled the blanket up, leaned against the side of the carriage and tilted her head as she looked at him.

Pei Wenxuan took out a memorial to the throne, unfolded it near the candlelight and began reading with the dim yellow candlelight framing his silhouette. Li Rong stared at him for a while. As Pei Wenxuan looked through the memorial, he suddenly remembered something: “Ah, there is one more thing,” He looked up and turned to face Li Rong, “Your Highness will soon have to make a decision regarding the matter of choosing concubines for His Highness the Crown Prince. Although you helped him out at the banquet today, as long as there is still a day when his marriage has not been decided, there will be another day, another chance for someone to be chosen that will not be within your expectations. If Your Highness already has someone in mind, it’s best if you arrange for it as soon as possible.”

Li Rong remained silent. She leaned against the carriage wall, and after some time, she slowly began to say: “Chuan’er was so happy today. It’s been many years since he’s been this close with me to tell me things like this.”

Although Li Chuan usually did not quarrel with her, it was completely different from today.

Pei Wenxuan did not directly answer and only listened as Li Rong let out a weary sigh and lamented: “He must not be too happy about choosing concubines.”

“What is making Your Highness hesitate?”

Actually, Pei Wenxuan understood what she meant, but he still chose to ask once more. Li Rong didn’t say, so Pei Wenxuan thought for a moment and said: “Her Majesty the Empress should be summoning Your Highness to the palace tomorrow. Why don’t you use this opportunity to have a proper talk with His Highness the Crown Prince, Your Highness? But before that,” Pei Wenxuan had a gentle smile, “You should get some more rest.”

Li Rong voiced her acknowledgement, then she closed her eyes. Pei Wenxuan picked up the memorial, and after a while, he spoke up again and softly said: “No matter what the outcome and what Your Highness wants to do, I will always remain by Your Highness’s side.”

“So… Your Highness can just move forward with it.”

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Autumn: This chapter has changed a lot. I didn’t even know if I walked into the right chapter at first. If some of the things Pei Wenxuan said sounded cryptic, it’s because this is directly related to the flashback at the end of Chapter 8.

And…this also used to be a very, very different chapter with almost 5 fewer pages and cringeworthy dialogue. I’m still debating on whether or not to add that as an extra like a collection of “deleted scenes,” not fully translated – just edited from the MTL.

Status: Still need to do more editing. I will be away for a week or so for work.

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